My Guy

"There's something about the outside of a horse that's good for the inside of a man."
-- Sir Winston Churchill

Four years ago today I became the mother of a son.  When he was born we were already the parents of two young daughters.  I'd always dreamed of a large family so while many people assumed we were, "trying for a boy," we were actually just thrilled about a baby.  Frankly, I was so engrossed in caring for our girls it never really occured to me that the baby might really be a boy.

During a routine ultrasound, the doctor told us we'd need to replace some of our pink with blue.  Our oldest daughter looked at me with big, serious eyes and asked, "Mom, do you know anything about having a boy?"   The honest answer was no, but I reassured her that before she was born I hadn't known a whole lot about having a girl, either, and that seemed to be working out fine. 

Four years later, I appreciate her logical question even more.  Having a little boy in the house does change the family dynamic.  Calvin has an energy and a physicality that is completely different from our three girls.  He's always on the move and fancies himself a real cowboy.  He rides around the house on a stick horse, is a whiz with a lasoo, and seems to live by the motto, "Why walk when you can gallop?"  And really, why?

I often thank God for diversifying our little family with a son.  Calvin has been such a blessing.  He takes me out of my comfort zone and stretches me as both a mother and a person.  Before Calvin came into my life I had never looked at the world through a man's eyes but now, as his mom, I do.

I pray for a world that is equally safe and gentle for my son and my daughters.  I find myself comparing the social expectations for young men with my sweet boy who is funny, thoughtful, imaginitive, affectionate, honest and joyful.  I hope he never gives up his authentic self to more easily meet the expectation of others and I pray that I can teach him that the qualities he so naturally exudes as a small child will serve him well his whole life through.

After he was born, some breathing difficulties landed us in the neo-natal intensive care unit.  Our extended time in the hospital gave me a chance to spend quiet time with him before we went home to the rest of the family.  I remember sitting in the hospital, holding his tiny hand in mine, and thinking, "You're hand is so small and fragile, and mine is so big and strong."  I couldn't help but wonder if some day, many years in the future, we might find ourselves in another quiet hopsital room.  Perhaps he will hold my small, fragile hand in his big strong hands and know what I have known and cherished since the situation was reversed, that nurturing and caring for the people you love is more than time well spent, it's life's great honor. 

"There's something about the spirit of a son that's good for the heart of a mother."

-- Me.